Gaslighting Is a Form of Psychological Abuse That Causes People To Question Their Own Sanity
Gaslighting happens when a person manipulates someone else to the point where they doubt their own memories, perception of events, or emotional well-being. People experiencing gaslighting often feel confused, anxious, and unsure about what’s really going on. The term originated from “Gaslight,” a 1938 play and 1944 film depicting a husband convincing his wife she’s mentally unstable. Although once just a plot device in a story, gaslighting has become recognized as a real-world pattern in relationships, families, and workplaces. Below, we’ll break down what gaslighting means, where it commonly appears, and how people can protect themselves. If you or someone you love is suffering from gaslighting or its repercussions, outpatient mental health treatment in Atlanta at Hooked on Hope Mental Health might help.
What Is Gaslighting Abuse?
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic or psychological abuse tactic used to undermine a victim’s sense of reality. It pushes them to doubt their own senses or beliefs. Gaslighters lie, deny, trivialize, or shift blame—sometimes subtly, sometimes overtly—to position themselves as more trustworthy and coherent. Over time, victims rely on the abuser’s perspective to navigate daily life, losing the ability to trust their own thoughts.
Historically, the term came from the play “Gaslight,” where a husband lowers the gas lights at home yet insists the dimming is in his wife’s imagination, making her think she’s losing her mind. In real-life scenarios, gaslighting can appear in romantic partnerships, families, or offices. The abuser’s aim is to control the victim by sowing confusion and self-doubt, often mixing in emotional or even physical abuse. While gaslighting can happen to anyone, it frequently appears in relationships where one person holds more power or a partner has a narcissistic or controlling personality.
What’s the Most Common Form of Gaslighting?
A widespread gaslighting tactic is shifting blame or outright denial. The abuser might say, “That’s not what happened,” even if you have evidence, or “You’re overreacting,” negating your genuine concerns. They might claim, “You’re just too sensitive,” reframing your emotional response as irrational. By dismissing or twisting facts, they distort the victim’s recollection and feelings. Because victims naturally want to keep peace or avoid conflict, they might accept the gaslighter’s version. Over time, the abuser repeatedly does this until the victim doubts themselves in almost every dispute.
What Is an Example of Gaslighting Someone?
The National Domestic Violence Hotline outlines many ways gaslighting can take shape:
- Countering: The abuser questions a person’s memory. Statements like “That never happened” or “You must be mixing it up” undermine confidence.
- Withholding: Pretending not to understand or refusing to listen, making the victim feel frustrated and misunderstood. They might say, “You’re confusing me” or “I can’t deal with your nonsense.”
- Trivializing: Minimizing valid emotions by saying, “You’re making a big deal out of nothing,” or “It’s not that serious,” belittling the victim’s perspective.
- Denial: Acting as though a wrongdoing didn’t occur. “I never said that” or “I never did that” invalidates the victim’s recollection, even if the victim clearly remembers it.
- Diverting: Steering the conversation away from the main point. The abuser might claim the victim’s information is unreliable—like “You read that online; you can’t trust it.”
- Stereotyping: Using negative stereotypes tied to gender, race, or culture to question someone’s credibility or mental stability. This kind of gaslighting can compound existing societal biases.
What Are Some Gaslighting Phrases?
Gaslighters commonly throw around lines like:
- “That never happened.”
- “You’re too sensitive.”
- “You’re making it up.”
- “Stop being paranoid.”
- “You’re imagining things.”
- “You’re overreacting.”
- “Everyone thinks you’re crazy.”
- “I’m sorry you feel that way, but it’s not true.”
- “I was just joking; you take it too seriously.”
These statements downplay or deny a victim’s experiences and feelings, causing intense self-doubt and confusion.
How Gaslighting Works
Typically, gaslighting starts subtly and grows worse with time. The manipulator builds some level of trust first, so the victim doesn’t suspect ill intentions. Then small seeds of doubt get planted—perhaps rewriting details of a recent conversation or event. The abuser might label the victim “forgetful” or “dramatic.” This approach erodes the victim’s trust in themselves.
As confusion deepens, the victim increasingly relies on the abuser for an accurate sense of reality. The abuser consolidates control by continuing to deny, trivialize, or shift blame. Ultimately, the victim may feel they can’t leave the relationship or job because they doubt their own decision-making abilities.
What’s the Difference Between Gaslighting and Other Forms of Manipulation?
Gaslighting is specifically about causing someone to question their reality and sense of self. Other manipulative behaviors—like guilt-tripping, silent treatment, or love-bombing—can also be harmful, but they don’t necessarily target a victim’s perception of truth to the same degree. Gaslighting is distinctive because it’s about rewriting events or experiences, sowing deep self-doubt. A manipulator might, for instance, shift blame to avoid accountability, but gaslighting goes further by actively persuading you that the blame-shifting is “right” or that your memory is incorrect.
What Is Gaslighting Abuse at Work?
Yes, gaslighting can definitely surface in a workplace. A colleague or boss might sabotage or shift blame to you, then deny it afterward, leaving you unsure about your perspective. Or a whistle-blower might be made to feel “dramatic” for raising concerns about unethical behavior, turning them into the “problem” rather than the wrongdoing. This form of gaslighting mental health issue can cause serious stress, job dissatisfaction, and hamper an individual’s professional growth.
Racial and Gender-Related Gaslighting
Disadvantaged or marginalized groups face “gaslighting” too, especially in contexts where people use stereotypes or biases to discredit them. This might show up as a supervisor telling a woman of color she’s “too sensitive” when she brings up microaggressions or ignoring complaints by chalking them up to her “inability to cope.” Over time, that can damage her confidence and mental health. Studies confirm that such behaviors perpetuate systemic inequities, making it even harder for victims to challenge discrimination.
Where Can Gaslighting Occur?
While gaslighting is common in romantic relationships, it can appear elsewhere:
Intimate Relationships
Abusers often use gaslighting to isolate partners and gain control. They might say, “You’re misremembering that fight,” or “I never said that,” so the partner trusts their version more than their own memory.
Child-Parent Dynamics
Parents or caregivers may tell a child, “Stop exaggerating,” or “That’s all in your head,” to undermine them. The child grows up doubting their feelings, leading to future self-esteem or interpersonal issues.
Workplace Gaslighting
As discussed, a supervisor might trivialize or blame an employee for mistakes the boss made. Or an organization might label an outspoken staff member as “emotional” or “unhinged” to deflect from real concerns they bring up.
Institutional or Cultural Settings
Sometimes entire systems gaslight communities by dismissing legitimate grievances. People are told “There’s no problem” or “You’re imagining discrimination” despite tangible evidence.
What Are the Signs of Gaslighting?
If you feel unsure about whether you’re experiencing gaslighting, watch out for these red flags:
- Constant Second-Guessing: You frequently re-check if your memories or impressions are correct.
- Thinking You’re “Crazy”: You or others around you begin calling you irrational, or you suspect you’re mentally unstable.
- Apologizing Excessively: You say sorry all the time, even for minor misunderstandings.
- Defending the Abuser’s Behavior: You justify or minimize their actions if friends or family question it.
- Feeling Incompetent: You think you can’t accomplish tasks or make decisions without their guidance.
- Isolation: You withdraw from others, believing they won’t support you or that your abuser’s viewpoint is “right.”
- Difficulty Trusting Yourself: You rely on them to confirm what’s real or what happened.
Over time, gaslighting can lead to severe anxiety, depression, or trauma. Victims may feel trapped, believing they depend on the abuser for stability.
The 5 Types of Gaslighting
Many experts categorize gaslighting into 5 common patterns:
- Outright Lying: The abuser states something untrue, denies obvious evidence, or claims an event never happened, even if you have proof.
- Coercion: Threats, silent treatments, or guilt trips used to force you to question your stance.
- Scapegoating: Blaming you for their behavior or errors, making you feel at fault.
- Reality Questioning: They rewrite history or say you’re misremembering, fueling your confusion about what’s real.
- Trivializing: They dismiss your concerns or feelings as overblown, calling you “too sensitive.”
How To Tell if Someone Is Gaslighting You
- Keep Evidence: Write down details in a journal, note dates, or record voice memos. If they say something never happened, you can cross-reference your notes.
- Confide in Others: Check in with a trusted friend or family member to get an outside perspective. They can help confirm if you’re recalling events correctly.
- Observe Patterns: If the person repeatedly denies or contradicts the same type of memory, that’s a big sign.
- Check Emotional Shifts: If you feel constantly off-balance, uncertain, or blame yourself more, it could indicate gaslighting.
What Mental Illness Causes Gaslighting?
Gaslighting isn’t exclusive to any one mental illness, but it’s often linked with narcissistic personality disorder. People with narcissistic traits can crave control and admiration, so they manipulate situations to keep their partner uncertain or reliant on them. Additionally, those with antisocial or borderline traits might also engage in it, but it truly depends on the individual’s patterns of behavior rather than a specific diagnosis.
The Impact of Gaslighting Abuse on Mental Health
Constantly being told your feelings or recollections are “wrong” can shake your self-confidence, making you question if you’re “crazy.” In the short term, confusion and anxiety can hamper everyday functioning. In the long term, gaslighting can lead to depression, chronic self-doubt, or even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). People might struggle to trust new relationships or maintain healthy boundaries, fearing they’ll be manipulated again.
Signs It’s Affecting Your Mental Health
- Trouble Making Simple Decisions: Even small choices become daunting because you fear you’ll be “wrong.”
- Isolation: You avoid friends or family who might question your partner’s behavior.
- Feeling Threatened: A sense of walking on eggshells, bracing for the next confrontation.
- Internalizing Negative Labels: If you’re repeatedly called “insensitive” or “forgetful,” you might start believing it.
- Despair: Some eventually feel hopeless, concluding they’re incapable of functioning alone.
How To Respond to Gaslighting
What To Say When Someone Is Gaslighting You
Standing up to gaslighting takes courage.
Here are some strategies:
- Affirm Reality: “I remember it differently. I’m certain about what I saw.”
- Set Boundaries: “I can’t continue talking about this if you don’t respect my recollection.”
- Express Feelings: “I’m upset, and my feelings matter.”
- Seek Facts: “Let’s check the text messages” or “We can verify that right now.”
- Stay Calm: Gaslighters often feed off emotional reactions; remain steady to keep your sense of control.
If the situation escalates or becomes unsafe, consider stepping away or seeking professional advice.
Is There Treatment for Gaslighting?
Help is available for those who’ve endured or engaged in gaslighting. On the victim side, therapy—particularly individual counseling—supports emotional healing, helps rebuild self-trust, and addresses any deeper issues like PTSD. Those who gaslight others can also undergo therapy if they genuinely aim to change. Couples counseling might be an option if both parties commit to working on relationship dynamics. However, if there’s ongoing abuse, your immediate priority is personal safety.
Support for Overcoming Gaslighting’s Effects
Survivors of gaslighting often need to mend their self-worth and sense of reality.
Tools include:
- Support Groups: Talking to peers who’ve faced similar manipulations can normalize your experience.
- Therapy: A professional counselor can guide you through self-doubt and unlearn negative beliefs.
- Mindfulness: Grounding exercises, like meditation or journaling, help you trust your own thoughts again.
- Building Boundaries: Learning to say no, and removing yourself from manipulative dynamics.
- Family Involvement: If safe, close relatives can provide perspective and reassurance.
With consistent effort and supportive resources, victims can recover from the confusion gaslighting causes. They can return to a healthier mindset, form stable connections, and build self-confidence.
If you suspect you’re dealing with gaslighting—whether at home, work, or anywhere—help is out there. Hooked on Hope Mental Health in Atlanta, GA, offers outpatient mental health treatment in Atlanta tailored to individuals dealing with relationship-related distress, anxiety, depression, or the emotional fallout from gaslighting. You don’t have to navigate this alone. Reach out today at 470-287-1927 or via our online contact form to learn how we can guide you toward healing, clarity, and renewed self-trust.